Your Wish is my Command

Ok, so right now everything is coming together.  In my previous post I discussed with you my FML moments and how I was having a negatively charged week.  After self-reflection I realized my trigger was work/money related.  Here is a snippet of that post:

"For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances. I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job". Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways. I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it. But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long. You need a real meal. A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson". - See more at: http://fatfabfit.blogspot.com/#sthash.WlOrL5QW.dpuf

So last week was all about feeling the feelings and letting it ride out.  This week is all about action for me.  I decided to convert that negative energy into productivity.  Instead of drowning out the noise with TV, movies, reading, any distraction, I chose instead to deal with my issues and emotions head on.  I started by simply tuning in to some meditation music on Pandora, lighting a white candle for peace and clarity, lighting some incense, and taking deep, cleansing breaths.  I then made a list of things to do, related to my issues with money/career.  The first was visualization; I set aside a few minutes to close my eyes and visualize myself living the way I want.  I chose to focus on my ideal financial situation and what that looked like, how that felt. Afterwards I recorded a video diary entry (I usually either write or record) on everything I felt to kind of release that energy.  I then came up with some other activities for the week, such as refreshing my vision board and create a virtual vision board on my desktop, so I can view it from there as well.

I started with this process on Monday, first by starting my day with some meditation.  What I did was download some calm, healing, meditation music and listened to it on my way to work and then on my way home.  It helps a lot to just listen and then close your eyes.  Eventually I feel myself drifting away, but not in a sleepy way.  I feel like I'm connecting to my higher self.  Just for your information, I'll be posting something soon on how I first started meditating and the people/healers I follow to guide me, so stay tuned!

Well let me just tell you that the magic started to happen already. At first it started Monday morning, while I was calm I asked/wished for a calm day at work.  It turned out my supervisor was out for the day! It was so relaxing not having to deal with the pressure/demands of my supervisor. Yesterday she told me that they would have to end my temp assignment earlier than expected.  At first, for about 10 seconds, I felt a little bit of fear and doubt.  For those 10 seconds I let it take over; what if I don't have enough?  What if I can't find another job?  How will I pay my bills? Thank goodness it only lasted that long.  I reminded myself that I am taken care of.  I reminded myself of my wish and desire to be my own boss, of the action steps that I took on Monday to work towards my vision.  My desires are manifesting!  Think about it, how can I be my own boss if I work for someone else?  This is the Universe/God's gentle nudge in the right direction.  I just know this is the right move for me.

I then received an email from my good friend Laura Yamin, who sent me some feedback received on her site.  She featured an interview of me on her page (you can view it HERE) and reading the comments and even going back to some of the things I mentioned about my journey helped reignite my passion for working towards achieving my dreams.  Here's a snippet of that interview:

"The best piece of advice I can offer you is to keep the desire bigger than anything else. Let your desire drown out all fear and negativity, not only from within but also from your friends/family/loved ones who are scared for you. Keep the desire alive and present; let it be with you always".

From this moment on, every time I feel fear and doubt creep in I'll remember that my desire is greater than my fear.  I'll continue to feel and believe that I am supported, and all of my desires are manifesting.

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

What is Life? FML, Life Sucks ARGHH!

I ask myself and God A LOT about my purpose.  What am I meant to do?  Who am I meant to be?  I just found myself overwhelmed this week with worry and doubt; am I on the right path? Why do I feel so lost?

I am slowly feeling myself losing control.  Thankfully throughout my journey I've learned to just accept my feelings and listen to my inner self.  If my inner self wants to have a tantrum or existential crisis, then so be it.  I decided not to fight with these feelings, it just makes things worse. While yes, I do like to look at the bright side and be grateful, and all that jazz, I do believe that being in the "dark" is good sometimes.  I think being in a negative space kind of takes you out of control and out of your routine, to force you into assessing what is working/not working.  I think allowing yourself some time in the darkness can give you some valuable perspective.  When I'm feeling this way I like to ask myself WHY I'm feeling these emotions and WHAT has triggered them.

For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances.  I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job".  Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it.  But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long.  You need a real meal.  A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson.  

My "trigger" into this negative head/heart space has to do with the fact that the work I'm doing just doesn't feel meaningful.  It definitely doesn't feel spiritually nourishing or like it's what I'm meant to be doing.  I also don't feel challenged in the sense of evolving.  I feel stuck and afraid of going back to being broke, like I was last year.  I'm trapped by fear and doubt.  But this fear and negativity has forced me out of being comfortable with a job.  It's forced me to look within myself towards my passions; to work towards breaking free from the check-to-check rut.  One of my passions is writing.  I'll share with you that while I love to write, I have such a hurdle to overcome; one that I placed on myself.  I take it day by day.  I decided to commit to entering a short story contest. Whether I win or not, at least I am putting myself out there, and who knows what'll come next?

I know I'll overcome but for now I accept where I am and continue to stay open to wherever the Universe wants to take me.  I ask you to challenge yourself.  If you're feeling bad/sad/mad at the world, at yourself, or someone else, assess the WHY you're feeling that way and WHAT triggered the emotions.  The more you try to understand your feelings, the closer you'll be to becoming a master of your self.  After you analyze your current negative thought pattern/behavior try taking a small action step; something to try to help you face what you're feeling and get you out of that darkness (you don't want to be stuck in the dark for too long).  Remember, a small, manageable step can help you take bigger steps; just take it day by day.

How are you feeling this week?  Is it just me or are emotions running high?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

I forgive myself for being fat

I follow a great deal of amazing teachers and healers, including Deepak Chopra, Sonia Choquette,

Mike Dooley, among others.  I receive daily messages of inspiration and compassion to help me on my journey, and I recently noticed within the last two months I've been receiving a lot of messages about forgiveness.  I read them but the messages didn't connected with me, so they get deleted.  I always thought, well I don't have anyone to forgive.  I thought of forgiveness as something you did when someone hurt you, when you want to release that toxic energy.  I never quite clicked with forgiveness, until now.

To back track a little bit, I noticed within the last 2-3 months, since I've been more serious about improving my health, my ego has been so negative and draining.  I find myself fighting constantly to remain positive, optimistic; to guide myself gently.  But the voice has become louder, more aggressive, berating; all around just putting me down and making me feel so low.  I get so low sometimes I don't even know how to continue.  Thankfully I've learned to just let things be and take a break when things get overwhelming.  I stop what I'm doing and enjoy stillness.  I'll take a walk or just lie down, to calm the voice in my head.  The more I try to fight, the worse it gets so I just let it be.  I let my Ego have a tantrum moment and then eventually it's over (at least momentarily).  I figure my ego is scared and feeling doubtful of progress.  She's so used to feeling like a failure that it's a natural tendency to prepare and plan to fail. 

So as I read one of the most recent posts about forgiveness it dawned on me so suddenly that the first person I need to forgive is myself.  I need to forgive myself for the negative thoughts, actions, and emotions that I've pretty much given to myself.  The first forgiveness action, which I think will help me with my weight loss, is to forgive myself for being fat.  I forgive myself for being hard on myself, for criticizing myself, for giving up on me, for seeing and treating myself like shit, for feeling guilty when I eat or even think of eating, for overeating, for craving junk foods, and the list goes on and on...I think what I'll do is write out a list of all the things in the "fat" category I need to release myself from and forgive myself for.  I think I'll create some kind of forgiveness ritual, maybe burning the paper I write on, and creating beautiful reminders to stay on the forgiveness train.

Let me know, what are some things you can forgive yourself for?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Excuses are blocking your progress + Happy Anniversary!

I recently had a deep conversation with a loved one about her goals.  Every year she starts a new endeavor and quits before it's done.  She often finds herself in a catch-22 and then goes on to create 100+ reasons why she CAN'T finish/complete/achieve that goal.  I'll give you an example. She wants to go back to school. Her mind is so filled with obstacles and negative thoughts that she's convinced she won't get enough financial aid, so she decides she needs to get a job to save up to be able to go back to school.  Ok, so she gets a job. The job isn't paying her enough because she doesn't have a degree, which she'll get once she goes back to school, but she can't go back to school without the much needed money she needs to save.  So she quits the job to try to find another one which pays better, you know to save up.  She finds a better paying job, but guess what?  Now she sees she's not able to save as much as she wanted because she has a million bills to pay (oh yea, and we must include a social life, right?).

So another year goes by and the cycle of non-progress continues.  She doesn't realize she's been doing the same thing for a few years now, and I've witnessed and given advice to no avail.  A little tidbit about me, I was stuck in that same cycle of doom. I felt stuck, like I was living in an eternal "Groundhog Day".  Actually around this time last year was when I decided to STOP the hamster wheel and get out of it.  Last year I was suffering from deep depression due to being unemployed and suffering from low self-esteem due to the fact that I was broke and fat (negative body image).  I had no money and practically no hope.  I was at the point where it was give up and die, or change my circumstances.  I had NO IDEA how to even begin changing my circumstances, but all I had was a dream of moving out.  Moving out (I was living with my family at the time) meant change for me; it meant changing my environment, as if on some level that small change would lead be on a better path than I was on. But I was ready for a BIG CHANGE, HUGE!  I wanted (and needed) something drastic.  I had always wanted to try living on the West Coast.  I had only ever been to L.A. and San Diego.  I loved San Diego every time I visited (and it's the home base of Comic-Con!) so I decided, I'm moving to San Diego!  How the hell was I going to get to San Diego when I barely had $1 to my name?  I put my hands up and let the Universe take over.

Well don't you know within a week from making that decision and committing to the goal, I found a 3-month temporary job which started at the end of August and would end right before Thanksgiving.  PERFECT!  I would save the money from that job for my trip.  And the rest is history.  Was it an easy transition?  HELL NO!  It was one of the hardest transitions of my life!  Was it worth it?  HELL YES!  All I do now is look back and laugh.  I love to think of HOW FAR I'VE COME.  And this was all done in 1 year.  HAPPY (very happy) ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

Don't get me wrong, I didn't do this all alone.  I had a ton of support and love, and even better amazing resources to help me really focus my all on my goals.  One of the best resources, I to this day do not regret investing in, is the MAGICAL MANIFESTERS course taught my Erin Stutland.  I still use the tools and resources given to check-in with myself, assess my goals and what I need to achieve them.  She approaches reaching goals in a way I've never thought of or experienced before.  This isn't simply making a list and then crossing things off.  She actually teaches you to look DEEP within yourself to assess what your fears and blocks are BEFORE you even begin to discover your goals and talents.  You are then taught to analyze your desires with a whole new set of eyes.  The way she approached things, for me, was innovative, creative, and just really thought provoking.  Best of all, once you take the course, you are a magical manifester for life, which means you can retake the course as many times as you want.  You get all the updated goodies, and still keep in contact with the vast network of other manifesters.  I took this course, for the first time, in September of 2012, right after I made the decision to move out West.  This course was presented to me by a great friend and sister of mine, Laura Yamin who is the creator of JOYFUL SHIMMY.  She is an amazing individual with a lot to offer for creative and passionate individuals.  Laura helped me (and still continues to help me) just take it day by day and stay present.  I highly recommend these two LIFE CHANGING resources, especially if you're fed up with your current situation and need to make moves.



By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

What a difference a year makes!

I'm wishing myself a very HAPPY ANNIVERSARY this month.  I'll share with you in a later post more about my story but just to give you a taste; last year I was unemployed, broke(n), depressed, and pretty much living in a pit of sorrow and self-pity.  The photo grid above shows pictures of me last summer (top row) and this summer (bottom two most recent).  Was my change drastic?  YES!  Maybe not drastic with the weight loss but definitely drastic with my LIFE!  I did a total bullshit makeover.  I got up, moved across the country and told myself I'M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK!

And guess what?  It did!  I might have gone through hell to get here but it's all worth it because now all I taste is victory juice from my P.I.M.P cup! So I'm raising my glass high because it's champagne and caviar dreams for me baby!

I just completed my first 5 weeks of Focus T25! I only have 5 more weeks to go and then I'm done!  I can't believe I'm already half way through.  Feeling so motivated and overall just excited about the great things to come.  Goals start out like that, a step at a time and then before you know it...complete.


By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!