Right before New Year's Eve I had the pleasure of viewing the recording of "Create Your Dream Year in 2014", a conference hosted by Patricia Moreno and Terri Cole. I was so inspired by the powerful panel of women; their words spoke to my soul. I was on cloud 9. I was still on vacation in NYC at the time and felt I started the new year on track. Then my vacation ended.
I just got back to San Diego on the 6th. I am in love with the sun and warmth. I had such an amazing time seeing my loved ones that I came back truly inspired and recharged. However, I've spent the last few days just taking it day by day. I cleaned my room from top to bottom, which is a great tactic to de-clutter my mind and energy, but after all of that I still felt like something was missing. I've been resisting working on myself and goals and I'm not sure why.
By resisting I mean I know what I'm "supposed" to be doing but I'm not doing it. I fill my free time with distractions and filling my mind with stories to keep myself from doing my "work". I'm currently off assignment, so I have a ton of free time to work on the things I love (such as this blog). You'd think with all this free time I would dedicate more towards working on me and my dreams, but no. Instead I am just feeling like a giant brick wall. I've been in this state of mind before, stuck in a rut, and in order to get out of it I have to take action. My first step was to make a list of the things I've been resisting the most. I found the most resistance around 1) writing, and 2) my birthday.
As far as writing, I have a few projects I'd like to get started on, but even getting to the point of writing this blog post felt like a chore. I had a conversation with my go-to guru, Laura Yamin, and she helped me get back to that place of YES and showing up. She helped me, once again, understand that I am blocking my progress with distractions and excuses, and while I should be gentle with myself I have to also understand that the work won't get done until I take action. Together we came up with a game plan to write every day for the next 30 days. Even if it's just 5 minutes of free writing, but it'll help me break the blockage and become more disciplined with my writing. As for my birthday (on January 16th) I am having a hard time thinking about what I want to do until I finally said I'm not doing anything. Laura challenged me to do something nice for myself, nothing crazy overwhelming, even if just inviting people over for wine. I'm not sure yet what I'll do but I will keep you posted.
A few other resources I want to share with you, which I am using as we speak; right before writing this post I checked my inbox (another thing which needs to be de-cluttered) and saw a post by Erin Stutland on taking it easy this month. I was on such an inspired high before the new year that I thought I needed to start off 2014 like a torpedo. So when I noticed I was resisting creating goals and taking actions, I felt bad about slacking. How am I going to have the best year ever if I'm resisting it? But Erin's right in that I have to let myself adjust to this new year which we tend to fill with so much hope and expectations. While taking a little action is better than no action, I definitely agree with allowing myself to settle into 2014. I don't know yet what I intend to do this year, but I do know that when I'm ready to thrive I will use this free workbook by Martine Holston to define what 2014 will be for me.
Not having set goals yet is a little uncomfortable for me. I don't set resolutions but ever since 2012 I've been working on setting intentions. I am keeping my heart open to receiving the blessings of this new year and receiving inspiration to help me figure out what it is I truly desire. I will keep you posted on my 2014 intentions.
Have any of you been feeling like this?
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
Showing posts with label Day by Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Day by Day. Show all posts
Friday, January 10, 2014
Friday, October 25, 2013
What is Life? FML, Life Sucks ARGHH!
I ask myself and God A LOT about my purpose. What am I meant to do? Who am I meant to be? I just found myself overwhelmed this week with worry and doubt; am I on the right path? Why do I feel so lost?
I am slowly feeling myself losing control. Thankfully throughout my journey I've learned to just accept my feelings and listen to my inner self. If my inner self wants to have a tantrum or existential crisis, then so be it. I decided not to fight with these feelings, it just makes things worse. While yes, I do like to look at the bright side and be grateful, and all that jazz, I do believe that being in the "dark" is good sometimes. I think being in a negative space kind of takes you out of control and out of your routine, to force you into assessing what is working/not working. I think allowing yourself some time in the darkness can give you some valuable perspective. When I'm feeling this way I like to ask myself WHY I'm feeling these emotions and WHAT has triggered them.
For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances. I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job". Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways. I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it. But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long. You need a real meal. A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson.
My "trigger" into this negative head/heart space has to do with the fact that the work I'm doing just doesn't feel meaningful. It definitely doesn't feel spiritually nourishing or like it's what I'm meant to be doing. I also don't feel challenged in the sense of evolving. I feel stuck and afraid of going back to being broke, like I was last year. I'm trapped by fear and doubt. But this fear and negativity has forced me out of being comfortable with a job. It's forced me to look within myself towards my passions; to work towards breaking free from the check-to-check rut. One of my passions is writing. I'll share with you that while I love to write, I have such a hurdle to overcome; one that I placed on myself. I take it day by day. I decided to commit to entering a short story contest. Whether I win or not, at least I am putting myself out there, and who knows what'll come next?
I know I'll overcome but for now I accept where I am and continue to stay open to wherever the Universe wants to take me. I ask you to challenge yourself. If you're feeling bad/sad/mad at the world, at yourself, or someone else, assess the WHY you're feeling that way and WHAT triggered the emotions. The more you try to understand your feelings, the closer you'll be to becoming a master of your self. After you analyze your current negative thought pattern/behavior try taking a small action step; something to try to help you face what you're feeling and get you out of that darkness (you don't want to be stuck in the dark for too long). Remember, a small, manageable step can help you take bigger steps; just take it day by day.
How are you feeling this week? Is it just me or are emotions running high?
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Happy October! Week 9 T25 + Vegan Update!
Hellooo everyone! I'm super happy it's October! I love October, mainly for Halloween (best day ever!). I have tons of juicy updates for you! I've been so busy with LIFE! I started a new job and just recently interviewed for another position, so it seems like a lot of opportunities are coming my way. I've been playing catch-up with everything, including my posts, but am glad to finally have a little break to let you know everything that's been happening.
It's the Fall now and I definitely felt the shift right before it happened. I felt the days growing a little darker sooner, I felt more tired, have been feeling more drained than ever. Also on the emotional front I've been feeling a little restless and like I'm "almost there"; like on the cusp of something (not sure yet what that is). I just entered on Monday, my 9th week of Focus T25. I can't believe it's been 9 weeks already! Actually it's been 10 since I began but I wasn't feeling so great one week, so I decided to do that corresponding week over. The workout itself is my favorite so far. There are so many days when I get home from work exhausted and decide to take it easy and rest. I figure I should give myself a break from a hard day. Then there's this tiny voice that says "cmon, you should really work out", and then I respond "but I'm SO TIRED", then the voice goes "It's only 25 minutes, just try your best", and that usually does the trick for me. I play the DVD's on my laptop, so what I do is place a piece of paper over the screen to cover the timer. I don't like watching the countdown because it feels like time moves slower then. When I don't look at the time, the workout flies by and I feel amazing when I finish. Some days I am so tired that I only do about 15 minutes, but I don't feel bad because I figure something is better than nothing. My favorite Focus T25 DVD's (all included) are: Alpha stage: Cardio, Speed 1.0, Stretch Beta stage: Core Cardio, Speed 2.0 (MY FAV!), Upper Focus, and Core Speed. They each have a lot of modifications if you're just starting out, and the best part is when you're consistent with the workouts you'll eventually find that some things which were hard at first become progressively easier.
I haven't weighed or measured myself. I actually decided last month to take a break from doing that. It may work for some people but it doesn't for me. I hate feeling like a slave to the numbers when it's really about the feeling for me. I don't want to let the numbers on a scale or measuring tape define me or my body. I am much more than a body. I feel myself losing weight; my clothes fit much looser, I have an easier time doing things like running after my bus when I'm late, and having more stamina to do things. I tried measuring myself week to week and weighing myself, but realized the numbers were controlling me. I discuss my "ego trip" and negative thought patterns and behaviors in my last post "I forgive myself for being fat". Whenever I weighed myself it was like opening a door I did not want to deal with. If the numbers were higher than the last time, my self-esteem would be momentarily destroyed. If the numbers were lower than before, they weren't low enough. I just thought it was too much to deal with, so I choose to focus on how I feel rather than how much I weigh or how much weight I'm losing.
I made this pic collage of my week 1 and week 9, and also the fact that I can actually fit in the door frame comfortably, whereas with week 1 I wasn't able to. I still have a hard time seeing the physical changes in these pictures, but oh well, here you go!
Whew! I know that was a lot to take in, but hopefully you laughed, you cried, and you'll be back for more! Till next time!
P.S: Check me out on Joyful Shimmy! I was interviewed by my great friend and sister, Laura Yamin, on my journey from East to West (almost 1 year ago!). Check it out and let me know what you think!
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
It's the Fall now and I definitely felt the shift right before it happened. I felt the days growing a little darker sooner, I felt more tired, have been feeling more drained than ever. Also on the emotional front I've been feeling a little restless and like I'm "almost there"; like on the cusp of something (not sure yet what that is). I just entered on Monday, my 9th week of Focus T25. I can't believe it's been 9 weeks already! Actually it's been 10 since I began but I wasn't feeling so great one week, so I decided to do that corresponding week over. The workout itself is my favorite so far. There are so many days when I get home from work exhausted and decide to take it easy and rest. I figure I should give myself a break from a hard day. Then there's this tiny voice that says "cmon, you should really work out", and then I respond "but I'm SO TIRED", then the voice goes "It's only 25 minutes, just try your best", and that usually does the trick for me. I play the DVD's on my laptop, so what I do is place a piece of paper over the screen to cover the timer. I don't like watching the countdown because it feels like time moves slower then. When I don't look at the time, the workout flies by and I feel amazing when I finish. Some days I am so tired that I only do about 15 minutes, but I don't feel bad because I figure something is better than nothing. My favorite Focus T25 DVD's (all included) are: Alpha stage: Cardio, Speed 1.0, Stretch Beta stage: Core Cardio, Speed 2.0 (MY FAV!), Upper Focus, and Core Speed. They each have a lot of modifications if you're just starting out, and the best part is when you're consistent with the workouts you'll eventually find that some things which were hard at first become progressively easier.
I haven't weighed or measured myself. I actually decided last month to take a break from doing that. It may work for some people but it doesn't for me. I hate feeling like a slave to the numbers when it's really about the feeling for me. I don't want to let the numbers on a scale or measuring tape define me or my body. I am much more than a body. I feel myself losing weight; my clothes fit much looser, I have an easier time doing things like running after my bus when I'm late, and having more stamina to do things. I tried measuring myself week to week and weighing myself, but realized the numbers were controlling me. I discuss my "ego trip" and negative thought patterns and behaviors in my last post "I forgive myself for being fat". Whenever I weighed myself it was like opening a door I did not want to deal with. If the numbers were higher than the last time, my self-esteem would be momentarily destroyed. If the numbers were lower than before, they weren't low enough. I just thought it was too much to deal with, so I choose to focus on how I feel rather than how much I weigh or how much weight I'm losing.
Actually I will be honest with you and say that I've been looking at myself naked more often and....
yea...
I made this pic collage of my week 1 and week 9, and also the fact that I can actually fit in the door frame comfortably, whereas with week 1 I wasn't able to. I still have a hard time seeing the physical changes in these pictures, but oh well, here you go!
As for Veganism, if you're just tuning in to my randomness now, I previously discussed taking a Vegan approach to my weight loss (check "Going Vegan") and needless to say I fucked up, and that's OK. I'm not meant to be a Vegan, at least not at the moment. I'm not a big meat eater and thankfully dairy is no longer a vice, but you have to have a lot of patience to be a Vegan. You gotta be religiously aware of what you're consuming and the best option is to prepare your own meals. As I've stated before, I am not a fan of cooking and I just don't care to cook. I usually prepare 3 meals per 7-days, in large quantities to last me for a couple of days for lunch and dinner. But after a while I just get bored of the same thing, and I'm just lazy. I'd rather buy frozen foods and just heat them up. I know it's great to cook your own meals but I commute about 3 hours total, per day, by the time I get home I barely have the energy to keep up with life, let alone working out. I think my next endeavor with consumption will be juicing. I really like Shakeology and would love to do a juicing detox soon, before the new year.
Speaking of which, we are less than 3 months away from 2014! I've come so far and have accomplished so much; I'm at the home stretch and want to really focus my energy on the last few 2013 goals, which are:
1) Get my driver's license
2) Blast the belly bulge (would love to reduce it by half before the new year)
3) Finalize some short-term career goals, which include solidifying a position with a great salary
4) Create a plan of action for my writing goals
5) Would love to be in a solid relationship, at least starting out
I'm thankful I have my Magical Manifesters lesson plans to guide me through the last bit of 2013.
Whew! I know that was a lot to take in, but hopefully you laughed, you cried, and you'll be back for more! Till next time!
P.S: Check me out on Joyful Shimmy! I was interviewed by my great friend and sister, Laura Yamin, on my journey from East to West (almost 1 year ago!). Check it out and let me know what you think!
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
What a difference a year makes!
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And guess what? It did! I might have gone through hell to get here but it's all worth it because now all I taste is victory juice from my P.I.M.P cup! So I'm raising my glass high because it's champagne and caviar dreams for me baby!
I just completed my first 5 weeks of Focus T25! I only have 5 more weeks to go and then I'm done! I can't believe I'm already half way through. Feeling so motivated and overall just excited about the great things to come. Goals start out like that, a step at a time and then before you know it...complete.
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Going Vegan
Hola everyone! I've been going back and forth for a while about Veganism. I can give up meat, no problem (I'm not a big meat eater anyway), I don't drink milk (only soy/nut based), cheese is a bit of a problem for me; I don't have it often but I love pizza. I also love Greek yogurt and Kefir. I think I can work myself up to 90% Vegan only because I use honey to sweeten (I rarely use sugar and I'm not a big fan of how Agave nectar tastes) and don't see myself giving that up, or giving up yogurt.
About 3 years ago I was seeing a holistic nutritionist on a regular basis, and together we discovered some things which had adverse effects on my body and were sabotaging my weight loss. Some were the "usual suspects" such as processed foods, white sugar, white bread and pastas, and the biggest of all MILK! I was such a "dairy queen" back in the day! My eating habits were also having a negative impact on my body and spirit. My biggest go-to foods were: pizza, cheeseburger deluxe, bacon egg and cheese sandwich on a roll, and a big bowl of cereal with 1% milk (sometimes 2%). I drank soda with everything, put extra sugar and salt on everything, and ate a ton of candy. Not only was I gaining weight, but I had a hard time having sustained energy and often felt dead inside. What is it like to feel dead inside? It feels like you're stuck in a deep pit of sorrow with no hope of getting out. My brother (who eats wayy better than me) once told me "You feel dead inside because you eat dead foods. Once you start eating whole, live foods you'll be more connected with nature and feel more alive again". Isn't that deep? I never thought about it that way, and I guess that's the biggest problem when it comes to your relationship with food; sometimes you just don't think about what you're putting inside your body! I know I wasn't. I wasn't making informed decisions about the type of energy I was putting into my body. That's what food is at the end of the day; energy!
So while I've come a LOOONG way with my eating habits and intake, I still have more to go. I still get bad cravings, I still binge, and most importantly I'm not losing weight like I want to be. I am working hard and eating as best as I can most of the time, but the weight just isn't coming up. I can be very hard with myself, but I believe, at least for me, food is my biggest obstacle on this weight loss journey. Exercise is about 30% of what will help me lose weight, the other 70% will be from what I eat and how I eat. So that is why I am taking my relationship with food up another notch and aiming to go Vegan. I am going to slowly ween myself off of non-vegan foods such as meat and dairy, and slowly adopt the lifestyle. I will keep you posted! Here is a picture of my Trader Joe's haul:
About 3 years ago I was seeing a holistic nutritionist on a regular basis, and together we discovered some things which had adverse effects on my body and were sabotaging my weight loss. Some were the "usual suspects" such as processed foods, white sugar, white bread and pastas, and the biggest of all MILK! I was such a "dairy queen" back in the day! My eating habits were also having a negative impact on my body and spirit. My biggest go-to foods were: pizza, cheeseburger deluxe, bacon egg and cheese sandwich on a roll, and a big bowl of cereal with 1% milk (sometimes 2%). I drank soda with everything, put extra sugar and salt on everything, and ate a ton of candy. Not only was I gaining weight, but I had a hard time having sustained energy and often felt dead inside. What is it like to feel dead inside? It feels like you're stuck in a deep pit of sorrow with no hope of getting out. My brother (who eats wayy better than me) once told me "You feel dead inside because you eat dead foods. Once you start eating whole, live foods you'll be more connected with nature and feel more alive again". Isn't that deep? I never thought about it that way, and I guess that's the biggest problem when it comes to your relationship with food; sometimes you just don't think about what you're putting inside your body! I know I wasn't. I wasn't making informed decisions about the type of energy I was putting into my body. That's what food is at the end of the day; energy!
So while I've come a LOOONG way with my eating habits and intake, I still have more to go. I still get bad cravings, I still binge, and most importantly I'm not losing weight like I want to be. I am working hard and eating as best as I can most of the time, but the weight just isn't coming up. I can be very hard with myself, but I believe, at least for me, food is my biggest obstacle on this weight loss journey. Exercise is about 30% of what will help me lose weight, the other 70% will be from what I eat and how I eat. So that is why I am taking my relationship with food up another notch and aiming to go Vegan. I am going to slowly ween myself off of non-vegan foods such as meat and dairy, and slowly adopt the lifestyle. I will keep you posted! Here is a picture of my Trader Joe's haul:
I got some soy milk, Ezekial bread (which I've been told is awesome, so I'm excited to try), frozen dinners (Indian and Japanese), oatmeal, peanut butter, fruits, pita chips, and cereal bars, among other things.
I cook occasionally, mostly I buy frozen foods. I LOVE most of the selections at Trader Joe's. However I'll try to prepare more foods according to a Vegan meal plan. I found some great ones on Oprah.com (a Vegan starter kit) and on Peeta.org.
Do you guys have any tips for going Vegan?
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Back to work post-detox
It's Monday morning and I'm feeling calm. I had an interesting night with a ton of dreams; I slept good but not as good as other times. Still, I didn't get up loathing Monday as most people do. As usual I had oatmeal for breakfast accompanied by a small cup of OJ.
By the time I get to work (about 2 hours later) I have my instant coffee fix and a blueberry cereal bar (I got this one at a local discount store; not all-natural but better than let's say pancakes for breakfast). My mid-morning snack was a nice, juicy peach which I've been dreaming about devouring since yesterday. I take my time eating it; about 30 minutes between answering the phone and such.
So far so good; no low blood sugar or heavy cravings. For lunch I have my leftovers from yesterday (brown rice with black beans, and a tomato and corn ceviche). I follow that up with some black tea about an hour later, followed by my late-afternoon snack of a Red Delicious apple.
I eat another cereal bar on my commute back home but thankfully I'm not dying of hunger.
But then...
Attack of the Food Gremlins!!
There I was, getting off the bus to walk home when all of a sudden a wave of emotion takes over me. I'm tired, I don't feel like working out, then I feel like a failure for having those feelings, guilt, and then I start to feel an anxiety attack build up. I know it's cliche to blame these feelings on my period, and I know for a fact that's not the root of the problem, but it does make me feel more sensitive and vulnerable. I feel less in control and let my emotions get the best of me when I have my period. I know it's no excuse, but THIS is an every day battle. That's what having an addiction is all about; you gotta face it every day until it becomes less and less powerful, but it never really goes away.
So anyway, I gave in and got a small bacon cheeseburger and large fries from Jack-in-the-Box which is right near my house (FAIL). I was debating whether to post this or not, but decided to do so in case some of you out there are experiencing the same thing. I want to be as honest as possible because at the end of the day this is my journey. This blog is a chronicle of my journey because I know I will succeed, and I want to be able to look back at how far I've come.
I did manage to get a workout in; I didn't finish it but did something. I gotta give myself some credit. I decided to incorporate more snacks to take to work, so that when I feel hungry on my way home I have more options. I learned to keep reading into my emotions and what's going on around me to spot the triggers, and to be gentle with myself above all else! There was definitely a negative Nancy inside my head during my "anxiety attack". I'm now sitting here typing this post, listening to some soothing meditation music, drinking my Shakeology, and being grateful for another day. Right now just trying to release the negative, toxic energy and surrender to "the process".
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
By the time I get to work (about 2 hours later) I have my instant coffee fix and a blueberry cereal bar (I got this one at a local discount store; not all-natural but better than let's say pancakes for breakfast). My mid-morning snack was a nice, juicy peach which I've been dreaming about devouring since yesterday. I take my time eating it; about 30 minutes between answering the phone and such.
So far so good; no low blood sugar or heavy cravings. For lunch I have my leftovers from yesterday (brown rice with black beans, and a tomato and corn ceviche). I follow that up with some black tea about an hour later, followed by my late-afternoon snack of a Red Delicious apple.
I eat another cereal bar on my commute back home but thankfully I'm not dying of hunger.
But then...
Attack of the Food Gremlins!!
There I was, getting off the bus to walk home when all of a sudden a wave of emotion takes over me. I'm tired, I don't feel like working out, then I feel like a failure for having those feelings, guilt, and then I start to feel an anxiety attack build up. I know it's cliche to blame these feelings on my period, and I know for a fact that's not the root of the problem, but it does make me feel more sensitive and vulnerable. I feel less in control and let my emotions get the best of me when I have my period. I know it's no excuse, but THIS is an every day battle. That's what having an addiction is all about; you gotta face it every day until it becomes less and less powerful, but it never really goes away.
So anyway, I gave in and got a small bacon cheeseburger and large fries from Jack-in-the-Box which is right near my house (FAIL). I was debating whether to post this or not, but decided to do so in case some of you out there are experiencing the same thing. I want to be as honest as possible because at the end of the day this is my journey. This blog is a chronicle of my journey because I know I will succeed, and I want to be able to look back at how far I've come.
I did manage to get a workout in; I didn't finish it but did something. I gotta give myself some credit. I decided to incorporate more snacks to take to work, so that when I feel hungry on my way home I have more options. I learned to keep reading into my emotions and what's going on around me to spot the triggers, and to be gentle with myself above all else! There was definitely a negative Nancy inside my head during my "anxiety attack". I'm now sitting here typing this post, listening to some soothing meditation music, drinking my Shakeology, and being grateful for another day. Right now just trying to release the negative, toxic energy and surrender to "the process".
By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps. Check it out!
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