Resisting the New Year

Right before New Year's Eve I had the pleasure of viewing the recording of "Create Your Dream Year in 2014", a conference hosted by Patricia Moreno and Terri Cole. I was so inspired by the powerful panel of women; their words spoke to my soul.  I was on cloud 9.  I was still on vacation in NYC at the time and felt I started the new year on track.  Then my vacation ended.

I just got back to San Diego on the 6th.  I am in love with the sun and warmth.  I had such an amazing time seeing my loved ones that I came back truly inspired and recharged.  However, I've spent the last few days just taking it day by day.  I cleaned my room from top to bottom, which is a great tactic to de-clutter my mind and energy, but after all of that I still felt like something was missing.  I've been resisting working on myself and goals and I'm not sure why.

By resisting I mean I know what I'm "supposed" to be doing but I'm not doing it.  I fill my free time with distractions and filling my mind with stories to keep myself from doing my "work".  I'm currently off assignment, so I have a ton of free time to work on the things I love (such as this blog).  You'd think with all this free time I would dedicate more towards working on me and my dreams, but no.  Instead I am just feeling like a giant brick wall.  I've been in this state of mind before, stuck in a rut, and in order to get out of it I have to take action.  My first step was to make a list of the things I've been resisting the most.  I found the most resistance around 1) writing, and 2) my birthday.

As far as writing, I have a few projects I'd like to get started on, but even getting to the point of writing this blog post felt like a chore.  I had a conversation with my go-to guru, Laura Yamin, and she helped me get back to that place of YES and showing up.  She helped me, once again, understand that I am blocking my progress with distractions and excuses, and while I should be gentle with myself I have to also understand that the work won't get done until I take action. Together we came up with a game plan to write every day for the next 30 days.  Even if it's just 5 minutes of free writing, but it'll help me break the blockage and become more disciplined with my writing.  As for my birthday (on January 16th) I am having a hard time thinking about what I want to do until I finally said I'm not doing anything.  Laura challenged me to do something nice for myself, nothing crazy overwhelming, even if just inviting people over for wine.  I'm not sure yet what I'll do but I will keep you posted.

A few other resources I want to share with you, which I am using as we speak; right before writing this post I checked my inbox (another thing which needs to be de-cluttered) and saw a post by Erin Stutland on taking it easy this month.  I was on such an inspired high before the new year that I thought I needed to start off 2014 like a torpedo.  So when I noticed I was resisting creating goals and taking actions, I felt bad about slacking.  How am I going to have the best year ever if I'm resisting it?  But Erin's right in that I have to let myself adjust to this new year which we tend to fill with so much hope and expectations.  While taking a little action is better than no action, I definitely agree with allowing myself to settle into 2014.  I don't know yet what I intend to do this year, but I do know that when I'm ready to thrive I will use this free workbook by Martine Holston to define what 2014 will be for me.

Not having set goals yet is a little uncomfortable for me.  I don't set resolutions but ever since 2012 I've been working on setting intentions.  I am keeping my heart open to receiving the blessings of this new year and receiving inspiration to help me figure out what it is I truly desire.  I will keep you posted on my 2014 intentions.

Have any of you been feeling like this?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

2013 wrap-up

Hello all!  We are 46 days away from the New Year!  2013 was filled with many blessings and transformations.  I share in a previous post how I took a leap of faith and turned my life right-side up.  16 days from today will mark my 1 year anniversary since changing my life and moving here to San Diego.  I don't know yet how I'm going to celebrate but I will keep you posted!

Once November started I felt my energy shifting into "hibernation" mode.  I was feeling kind of stuck and indecisive.  Once the time changed, it just felt like the darkness was lingering longer and I am such a sun worshiper that it makes me a little sad.  It's so easy to put yourself into a pit of fear and despair; so easy for me to do to myself.  But thankfully I have some great resources to help me stay focused on my goals.  I always turn back to my Magical Manifestor notes and training for guidance.  I am also working with Laura Yamin of Joyful Shimmy on a 21-day "fear detox".  She's such an inspiration, overall great listener and extremely supportive.  I highly recommend working with her.  I recently also began following one of the people from my MM class, Martine Holston, who wrote this powerful post on taking action when it seems like you have no control over a situation.  It really hit home because sometimes it's so hard for me to make a decision, especially when it's something that worries me.

My job responsibilities will be winding down soon, so I'll have more ME time to focus on my goals.  I am 100% focused and dedicated to "getting it done" as Shaun T would say!

Re-cap on my status:

Happy October! Week 9 T25 + Vegan Update!

Hellooo everyone!  I'm super happy it's October!  I love October, mainly for Halloween (best day ever!).  I have tons of juicy updates for you! I've been so busy with LIFE!  I started a new job and just recently interviewed for another position, so it seems like a lot of opportunities are coming my way.  I've been playing catch-up with everything, including my posts, but am glad to finally have a little break to let you know everything that's been happening.

It's the Fall now and I definitely felt the shift right before it happened.  I felt the days growing a little darker sooner, I felt more tired, have been feeling more drained than ever.  Also on the emotional front I've been feeling a little restless and like I'm "almost there"; like on the cusp of something (not sure yet what that is). I just entered on Monday, my 9th week of Focus T25.  I can't believe it's been 9 weeks already!  Actually it's been 10 since I began but I wasn't feeling so great one week, so I decided to do that corresponding week over.  The workout itself is my favorite so far.  There are so many days when I get home from work exhausted and decide to take it easy and rest.  I figure I should give myself a break from a hard day.  Then there's this tiny voice that says "cmon, you should really work out", and then I respond "but I'm SO TIRED", then the voice goes "It's only 25 minutes, just try your best", and that usually does the trick for me.  I play the DVD's on my laptop, so what I do is place a piece of paper over the screen to cover the timer.  I don't like watching the countdown because it feels like time moves slower then.  When I don't look at the time, the workout flies by and I feel amazing when I finish. Some days I am so tired that I only do about 15 minutes, but I don't feel bad because I figure something is better than nothing. My favorite Focus T25 DVD's (all included) are: Alpha stage: Cardio, Speed 1.0, Stretch Beta stage: Core Cardio, Speed 2.0 (MY FAV!), Upper Focus, and Core Speed.  They each have a lot of modifications if you're just starting out, and the best part is when you're consistent with the workouts you'll eventually find that some things which were hard at first become progressively easier.

I haven't weighed or measured myself. I actually decided last month to take a break from doing that. It may work for some people but it doesn't for me. I hate feeling like a slave to the numbers when it's really about the feeling for me. I don't want to let the numbers on a scale or measuring tape define me or my body. I am much more than a body. I feel myself losing weight; my clothes fit much looser, I have an easier time doing things like running after my bus when I'm late, and having more stamina to do things. I tried measuring myself week to week and weighing myself, but realized the numbers were controlling me. I discuss my "ego trip" and negative thought patterns and behaviors in my last post "I forgive myself for being fat". Whenever I weighed myself it was like opening a door I did not want to deal with. If the numbers were higher than the last time, my self-esteem would be momentarily destroyed. If the numbers were lower than before, they weren't low enough. I just thought it was too much to deal with, so I choose to focus on how I feel rather than how much I weigh or how much weight I'm losing.

Actually I will be honest with you and say that I've been looking at myself naked more often and....

yea...

I made this pic collage of my week 1 and week 9, and also the fact that I can actually fit in the door frame comfortably, whereas with week 1 I wasn't able to.  I still have a hard time seeing the physical changes in these pictures, but oh well, here you go!

As for Veganism, if you're just tuning in to my randomness now, I previously discussed taking a Vegan approach to my weight loss (check "Going Vegan") and needless to say I fucked up, and that's OK.  I'm not meant to be a Vegan, at least not at the moment.  I'm not a big meat eater and thankfully dairy is no longer a vice, but you have to have a lot of patience to be a Vegan.  You gotta be religiously aware of what you're consuming and the best option is to prepare your own meals.  As I've stated before, I am not a fan of cooking and I just don't care to cook.  I usually prepare 3 meals per 7-days, in large quantities to last me for a couple of days for lunch and dinner. But after a while I just get bored of the same thing, and I'm just lazy.  I'd rather buy frozen foods and just heat them up.  I know it's great to cook your own meals but I commute about 3 hours total, per day, by the time I get home I barely have the energy to keep up with life, let alone working out.  I think my next endeavor with consumption will be juicing.  I really like Shakeology and would love to do a juicing detox soon, before the new year.

Speaking of which, we are less than 3 months away from 2014!  I've come so far and have accomplished so much; I'm at the home stretch and want to really focus my energy on the last few 2013 goals, which are:

1) Get my driver's license

2) Blast the belly bulge (would love to reduce it by half before the new year)

3) Finalize some short-term career goals, which include solidifying a position with a great salary

4) Create a plan of action for my writing goals

5) Would love to be in a solid relationship, at least starting out

I'm thankful I have my Magical Manifesters lesson plans to guide me through the last bit of 2013.

Whew!  I know that was a lot to take in, but hopefully you laughed, you cried, and you'll be back for more!  Till next time!

P.S: Check me out on Joyful Shimmy!  I was interviewed by my great friend and sister, Laura Yamin, on my journey from East to West (almost 1 year ago!).  Check it out and let me know what you think!


By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Excuses are blocking your progress + Happy Anniversary!

I recently had a deep conversation with a loved one about her goals.  Every year she starts a new endeavor and quits before it's done.  She often finds herself in a catch-22 and then goes on to create 100+ reasons why she CAN'T finish/complete/achieve that goal.  I'll give you an example. She wants to go back to school. Her mind is so filled with obstacles and negative thoughts that she's convinced she won't get enough financial aid, so she decides she needs to get a job to save up to be able to go back to school.  Ok, so she gets a job. The job isn't paying her enough because she doesn't have a degree, which she'll get once she goes back to school, but she can't go back to school without the much needed money she needs to save.  So she quits the job to try to find another one which pays better, you know to save up.  She finds a better paying job, but guess what?  Now she sees she's not able to save as much as she wanted because she has a million bills to pay (oh yea, and we must include a social life, right?).

So another year goes by and the cycle of non-progress continues.  She doesn't realize she's been doing the same thing for a few years now, and I've witnessed and given advice to no avail.  A little tidbit about me, I was stuck in that same cycle of doom. I felt stuck, like I was living in an eternal "Groundhog Day".  Actually around this time last year was when I decided to STOP the hamster wheel and get out of it.  Last year I was suffering from deep depression due to being unemployed and suffering from low self-esteem due to the fact that I was broke and fat (negative body image).  I had no money and practically no hope.  I was at the point where it was give up and die, or change my circumstances.  I had NO IDEA how to even begin changing my circumstances, but all I had was a dream of moving out.  Moving out (I was living with my family at the time) meant change for me; it meant changing my environment, as if on some level that small change would lead be on a better path than I was on. But I was ready for a BIG CHANGE, HUGE!  I wanted (and needed) something drastic.  I had always wanted to try living on the West Coast.  I had only ever been to L.A. and San Diego.  I loved San Diego every time I visited (and it's the home base of Comic-Con!) so I decided, I'm moving to San Diego!  How the hell was I going to get to San Diego when I barely had $1 to my name?  I put my hands up and let the Universe take over.

Well don't you know within a week from making that decision and committing to the goal, I found a 3-month temporary job which started at the end of August and would end right before Thanksgiving.  PERFECT!  I would save the money from that job for my trip.  And the rest is history.  Was it an easy transition?  HELL NO!  It was one of the hardest transitions of my life!  Was it worth it?  HELL YES!  All I do now is look back and laugh.  I love to think of HOW FAR I'VE COME.  And this was all done in 1 year.  HAPPY (very happy) ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

Don't get me wrong, I didn't do this all alone.  I had a ton of support and love, and even better amazing resources to help me really focus my all on my goals.  One of the best resources, I to this day do not regret investing in, is the MAGICAL MANIFESTERS course taught my Erin Stutland.  I still use the tools and resources given to check-in with myself, assess my goals and what I need to achieve them.  She approaches reaching goals in a way I've never thought of or experienced before.  This isn't simply making a list and then crossing things off.  She actually teaches you to look DEEP within yourself to assess what your fears and blocks are BEFORE you even begin to discover your goals and talents.  You are then taught to analyze your desires with a whole new set of eyes.  The way she approached things, for me, was innovative, creative, and just really thought provoking.  Best of all, once you take the course, you are a magical manifester for life, which means you can retake the course as many times as you want.  You get all the updated goodies, and still keep in contact with the vast network of other manifesters.  I took this course, for the first time, in September of 2012, right after I made the decision to move out West.  This course was presented to me by a great friend and sister of mine, Laura Yamin who is the creator of JOYFUL SHIMMY.  She is an amazing individual with a lot to offer for creative and passionate individuals.  Laura helped me (and still continues to help me) just take it day by day and stay present.  I highly recommend these two LIFE CHANGING resources, especially if you're fed up with your current situation and need to make moves.



By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!