What is Life? FML, Life Sucks ARGHH!

I ask myself and God A LOT about my purpose.  What am I meant to do?  Who am I meant to be?  I just found myself overwhelmed this week with worry and doubt; am I on the right path? Why do I feel so lost?

I am slowly feeling myself losing control.  Thankfully throughout my journey I've learned to just accept my feelings and listen to my inner self.  If my inner self wants to have a tantrum or existential crisis, then so be it.  I decided not to fight with these feelings, it just makes things worse. While yes, I do like to look at the bright side and be grateful, and all that jazz, I do believe that being in the "dark" is good sometimes.  I think being in a negative space kind of takes you out of control and out of your routine, to force you into assessing what is working/not working.  I think allowing yourself some time in the darkness can give you some valuable perspective.  When I'm feeling this way I like to ask myself WHY I'm feeling these emotions and WHAT has triggered them.

For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances.  I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job".  Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it.  But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long.  You need a real meal.  A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson.  

My "trigger" into this negative head/heart space has to do with the fact that the work I'm doing just doesn't feel meaningful.  It definitely doesn't feel spiritually nourishing or like it's what I'm meant to be doing.  I also don't feel challenged in the sense of evolving.  I feel stuck and afraid of going back to being broke, like I was last year.  I'm trapped by fear and doubt.  But this fear and negativity has forced me out of being comfortable with a job.  It's forced me to look within myself towards my passions; to work towards breaking free from the check-to-check rut.  One of my passions is writing.  I'll share with you that while I love to write, I have such a hurdle to overcome; one that I placed on myself.  I take it day by day.  I decided to commit to entering a short story contest. Whether I win or not, at least I am putting myself out there, and who knows what'll come next?

I know I'll overcome but for now I accept where I am and continue to stay open to wherever the Universe wants to take me.  I ask you to challenge yourself.  If you're feeling bad/sad/mad at the world, at yourself, or someone else, assess the WHY you're feeling that way and WHAT triggered the emotions.  The more you try to understand your feelings, the closer you'll be to becoming a master of your self.  After you analyze your current negative thought pattern/behavior try taking a small action step; something to try to help you face what you're feeling and get you out of that darkness (you don't want to be stuck in the dark for too long).  Remember, a small, manageable step can help you take bigger steps; just take it day by day.

How are you feeling this week?  Is it just me or are emotions running high?

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I forgive myself for being fat

I follow a great deal of amazing teachers and healers, including Deepak Chopra, Sonia Choquette,

Mike Dooley, among others.  I receive daily messages of inspiration and compassion to help me on my journey, and I recently noticed within the last two months I've been receiving a lot of messages about forgiveness.  I read them but the messages didn't connected with me, so they get deleted.  I always thought, well I don't have anyone to forgive.  I thought of forgiveness as something you did when someone hurt you, when you want to release that toxic energy.  I never quite clicked with forgiveness, until now.

To back track a little bit, I noticed within the last 2-3 months, since I've been more serious about improving my health, my ego has been so negative and draining.  I find myself fighting constantly to remain positive, optimistic; to guide myself gently.  But the voice has become louder, more aggressive, berating; all around just putting me down and making me feel so low.  I get so low sometimes I don't even know how to continue.  Thankfully I've learned to just let things be and take a break when things get overwhelming.  I stop what I'm doing and enjoy stillness.  I'll take a walk or just lie down, to calm the voice in my head.  The more I try to fight, the worse it gets so I just let it be.  I let my Ego have a tantrum moment and then eventually it's over (at least momentarily).  I figure my ego is scared and feeling doubtful of progress.  She's so used to feeling like a failure that it's a natural tendency to prepare and plan to fail. 

So as I read one of the most recent posts about forgiveness it dawned on me so suddenly that the first person I need to forgive is myself.  I need to forgive myself for the negative thoughts, actions, and emotions that I've pretty much given to myself.  The first forgiveness action, which I think will help me with my weight loss, is to forgive myself for being fat.  I forgive myself for being hard on myself, for criticizing myself, for giving up on me, for seeing and treating myself like shit, for feeling guilty when I eat or even think of eating, for overeating, for craving junk foods, and the list goes on and on...I think what I'll do is write out a list of all the things in the "fat" category I need to release myself from and forgive myself for.  I think I'll create some kind of forgiveness ritual, maybe burning the paper I write on, and creating beautiful reminders to stay on the forgiveness train.

Let me know, what are some things you can forgive yourself for?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!