Back to work post-detox

It's Monday morning and I'm feeling calm.  I had an interesting night with a ton of dreams; I slept good but not as good as other times.  Still, I didn't get up loathing Monday as most people do.  As usual I had oatmeal for breakfast accompanied by a small cup of OJ.

By the time I get to work (about 2 hours later) I have my instant coffee fix and a blueberry cereal bar (I got this one at a local discount store; not all-natural but better than let's say pancakes for breakfast).  My mid-morning snack was a nice, juicy peach which I've been dreaming about devouring since yesterday.  I take my time eating it; about 30 minutes between answering the phone and such.

So far so good; no low blood sugar or heavy cravings.  For lunch I have my leftovers from yesterday (brown rice with black beans, and a tomato and corn ceviche).  I follow that up with some black tea about an hour later, followed by my late-afternoon snack of a Red Delicious apple.

I eat another cereal bar on my commute back home but thankfully I'm not dying of hunger.

But then...

Attack of the Food Gremlins!!

There I was, getting off the bus to walk home when all of a sudden a wave of emotion takes over me.  I'm tired, I don't feel like working out, then I feel like a failure for having those feelings, guilt, and then I start to feel an anxiety attack build up.  I know it's cliche to blame these feelings on my period, and I know for a fact that's not the root of the problem, but it does make me feel more sensitive and vulnerable.  I feel less in control and let my emotions get the best of me when I have my period.  I know it's no excuse, but THIS is an every day battle.  That's what having an addiction is all about; you gotta face it every day until it becomes less and less powerful, but it never really goes away.

So anyway, I gave in and got a small bacon cheeseburger and large fries from Jack-in-the-Box which is right near my house (FAIL).  I was debating whether to post this or not, but decided to do so in case some of you out there are experiencing the same thing.  I want to be as honest as possible because at the end of the day this is my journey.  This blog is a chronicle of my journey because I know I will succeed, and I want to be able to look back at how far I've come.

I did manage to get a workout in; I didn't finish it but did something.  I gotta give myself some credit.  I decided to incorporate more snacks to take to work, so that when I feel hungry on my way home I have more options.  I learned to keep reading into my emotions and what's going on around me to spot the triggers, and to be gentle with myself above all else!  There was definitely a negative Nancy inside my head during my "anxiety attack".  I'm now sitting here typing this post, listening to some soothing meditation music, drinking my Shakeology, and being grateful for another day.  Right now just trying to release the negative, toxic energy and surrender to "the process".

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