Why Wishful Thinking doesn't work

Genie will make my dreams come true!

I had to write; had to get these feelings out. It irks me so much when people tell me they wish they could do something. I even slip-up sometimes and then try to change my words (it takes practice!). Wishing for something means you are expecting "it" to fall on your lap with no work on your part. "It" will just happen, "it" will just appear. Making a wish is as effective as sitting and waiting. When you wish for more money, for example, what you're actually telling yourself (and whoever you believe is listening to you, like God) is that you want money to fall on your lap. You want to receive the money with no extra effort on your part. 

I'm sure God used to laugh at me when I would wish for more money. I picture God like my mother giving me "the look". Imagine asking your mom for a million dollars...exactly. I feel we're so used to wishing for things to happen that in essence we train ourselves to just wish and wait, and then we wonder why things haven't happened.

I'm not perfect. That person used to be me; wishing on the first star I saw at night, wishing on a fallen eyelash, wishing so many things would happen, and then I would be so disappointed when they didn't come true. Then I would wish just for the hell of it and then it became a normal part of my sentence. Someone would invite me to go on vacation with them, "Oh I wish I could...". Wishing has no purpose other than to comfort us into believing something will actually fall on our laps. I'm only sharing my thoughts with you because I've been down that road. While I can say that (thankfully) I have no regrets at this point in my life, that wasn't always the case. I would read prior passages from my journals and noticed the same pattern of being stuck. The main reason I was stuck was because I allowed myself to stay stuck. I wished and hoped, and dreamed, and nothing changed and then looking back at years prior I would feel regret for not taking action.

Wishing doesn't work, but you know what does? Intentions. Setting an intention means you're actually intending to do something. Intentions = Actions. Instead of wishful thinking try positive thinking and intentions. Combining an intention with a positive attitude and positive thoughts can be very powerful. If you really want something and are wishing for it, set it as an intention. You'll notice over time what you really desire. You're only gonna work towards something you really want. Instead of wishing to receive something, try this affirmation: I intend to receive _____.

I'll give you another example; a very personal one. I've wished to lose weight for many years. It's actually a little crazy to me, looking back, on how much I would wish to look different but did nothing about it. I clearly didn't really want to lose weight. Why do I say that? Because I never put any real effort into losing weight. Losing weight, back then, was about others; it was about how others saw me. It was never a process about me. This is why I don't regret not losing weight before because it would've been for the wrong reasons. It was not a true desire of mine, until now. Now the desire to lose weight is my own and I have set the intention to do so for my reasons.

So folks, the moral of the story is please assess your words and thoughts. When you are wishing for something, what are you really saying? If you want this year to be "THE YEAR", how do you intend to make it so?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Useful resources for positive shifts (updated 2/2/14)

Hello all!  I've mentioned a few resources here and there throughout my blog but decided to create a comprehensive list of all the ones I follow/subscribe to (and I'll continue to add-on).

1) (Book) I first began creating positive shifts in my life back in 2010, when I read "The Secret". When I refer to "positive shifts" I mean that I'm being guided to my path, or I'm being put back on track.  I felt for a long time, even back in my teen years, stuck in a rut.  I've kept journals since middle school and I like to read them from time to time.  I noticed every year the themes were the same.  There were subtle changes; changes with my body, my surroundings, the people in my life, my relationships, but the major themes like love, money, health were the same.  Every year started with a search for something better, and when I read The Secret it really helped me understand that I was creating my world.  I created my own obstacles, I created the rut. So reading that book gave me a very different view on my life; I was no longer a victim of circumstance.  This book is great to shift your thoughts and help you open up to possibilities.

2) (Entrepreneurship + more) Around 2011 I began working with one of my sorority sisters, Laura Yamin. Laura has a blog called Joyful Shimmy where she shares how she found her center, and what resources she used to get here there.  Since then her business and brand have grown exponentially. I've involved myself in many of Laura's workshops and classes, as well as have looked into her resources.  I am currently taking her 4-week THRIVE! course and she has another session starting February 3rd.  Thrive is perfect if you're over living on the margin; if you're over just having enough to survive.  You want more out of life.  You want to live the best life you can. Laura helps you take a deep look at your "stories" surrounding money, why they are there, what we can do to overcome.  Everything is done online and we hold weekly group sessions which are all guided by her.  Through Laura I was (finally!) able to learn what my relationship with money looks like (not pretty).  Now that I know I understand what I have to do to shift my relationship to a more positive place.  So if you want to THRIVE this year, please click here to learn more about what she has to offer you. She is an amazing resource to have especially if you're a creative individual with a entrepreneurial mind.  She can help take your business to the next level. She also introduced me to another life changing resource, Magical Manifesters....

3) (Course + more) August 2012 I had made the decision to take a Leap of Faith and move across the country.  At that point I was hungry for information and more powerful tools.  Laura hooked me up with the knowledge of the Magical Manifesters course.  The course was created and is taught by Erin Stutland.  It's a 4-5 week online course, which you can do at your own pace.  Once you're a member of the MM community you have unlimited access to the course and materials (I've taken the course 3 times already).  I still use the tools and resources to check-in with myself, assess my goals and what I need to achieve them. She approaches reaching goals in a way I've never thought of or experienced before. This isn't simply making a list and then crossing things off. She actually teaches you to look DEEP within yourself to assess what your fears and blocks are BEFORE you even begin to discover your goals and talents. You are then taught to analyze your desires with a whole new set of eyes. The way she approached things, for me, was innovative, creative, and just really thought provoking. There's also a group on Facebook for all MM participants, where we network and share our experiences.  If you're truly ready to take ACTION rather than wishing for your goals to get accomplished, this is a great first step.

4) (Book) I was introduced to "Think and Grow Rich" from reading The Secret.  Where The Secret helped me shift my thoughts surrounding life as a whole, TAGR helped me shift my thoughts and beliefs surrounding money.  My financial situation is the #1 area of focus for me and has been for a very long time.  I didn't realize, until very recently, how toxic my relationship with money has been.  I will share with you later on about that, and what I am doing to shift the energy surrounding money.  This book is one of the cornerstones of establishing a positive relationship with money.  If you want to change the way you view and attain money, this is the book for you.  Furthermore, mi gente Latina, many of us are taught very early on to have a negative relationship with money.  "Money is the devil", "More money more problems", and the list goes on...Lionel Sosa has taken the lessons he's learned from Think and Grow Rich and "translated" (so to speak) for the Latino perspective.  I highly suggested checking out his "Think and Grow Rich: A Latino Choice".

5) (Entrepreneurship + more) I've been following Marie Forleo since about 2010.  I started a small, home business back then selling items to my sorority sisters.  Marie has a wealth of information for entrepreneurs; articles, links, courses, videos on Youtube, and much more.  If you're an entrepreneur, do yourself a huge favor and check her out.

6) (Entrepreneurship + Jobs) I am including my e-books on here.  I wrote two (so far) which are available on Amazon for Kindle (you can download the free app fro your phone, computer, or tablet HERE). The first one is for anyone interested in establishing a home business, it's called "BYOB: Be Your Own Boss - How to Start a Home Business on a Budget".  This e-book breaks down how you can take your skills and transform it into income.  Get your small business started from home with little down.  You'll receive step-by-step guidance as well as resources to get you started.  The next one is "How to find the BEST gigs on Craigslist: pay your bills and earn some money on the side". I am a Craigslist guru when it comes to gigs.  I've been "gigging" for a long time and here I share how you can get started navigating through the ads on CL to find legitimate, short-term work.

Blogs I follow:  It's not enough to just bookmark a website.  Subscribing to receive updates is the best way to make sure you get the knowledge first.  I subscribed to receive email updates from each of these.  I've grown my subscriptions over the years; I really like what these people have to say and they each touch me in some way.  They all have something special and unique to provide to me.

Joyful Shimmy

Erin Stutland

Marie Forleo

Mike Dooley

Sonia Choquette

Kate Northrup

Patricia Moreno

Yesenia Vargas

Terri Cole

AstroStyle

Erika Lyremark

Food Babe

Wandering Earl

The Curvy Fashionista

Martine Holston

Catherine Collautt


Youtube peeps: Just like with the blogs above, I also subscribe for some video inspiration (some of the folks above also have channels on Youtube).

Doreen Virtue

Lilou Mace



By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Leap and the net will appear

What's interesting is that I just recently learned this lesson, after taking my leap of faith.  When I first decided to move and basically turn my life right side up I didn't have much support from my loved ones.  Not to say they were completely against the idea but they were fearful for me.  I made the decision to move somewhere I had never lived before and in a place with no family, or security (I didn't have a job lined up).  I continued on with my decision against all odds.  Then once I actually made the move I had more support and love than I could ever have imagined.  The net appeared for me in so many unexpected ways.

Everyone tells me I'm so brave.  I did something that they could never do.  It's funny because I don't feel brave at all.  I was so hungry for change and did the most drastic thing I could think of at the time.  I made the decision to better myself and my life; I thought of it as the right thing to do. Our lives are ruled by the choices we make and we make them with the intention of being right.  I made the decision to move because I felt it was the right thing to do for me, not because it was the "brave" thing to do.  And don't think I just got up one morning and moved the next, I had a plan. My plan took 3 months to blossom.  

First step: I made the decision and set the intention.  I said "I am moving to San Diego" rather than "I hope (or wish) to move".

Second step:  I believed it was possible.  Right when I said it, I felt my heart leap for joy.  The decision was not made from a place of desperation or fear.

Third step:  I surrendered the "how".  I prayed on my desire and then let the magic happen.  I remained open to possibilities.  Once you believe something is possible, keep your mind and heart open to whatever presents itself next.  

Fourth step:  I kept myself open to receive.  I learned that we get the things we want (and need) in unexpected forms.  We receive the very best.  The path to the desire is not linear and it's also not clear to us, so I kept "my eyes peeled" to the things that presented themselves to me.  For example, right after setting the intention to move I was presented with the opportunity to work for a temp job.  I took it because I knew it would help fund my desire.  The opportunities which present themselves right away are important.

Fifth step: My daily routine involved planning to receive my desire.  My desire was to move to San Diego so I planned my move.  I did my research on housing, transportation, activities; I planned how my life would be once I moved.  I also made my desire present.  I wrote "San Diego" on the top of each month on my calendar so that every day marked off was one day closer to receiving it.

Sixth step: Make the desire greater than your fear.  This is a tough one because fear is a part of us. The fear inside will always be present but what helped me quiet it was to visualize my "new life" in San Diego.  Also I really avoided negative people and anyone who did not support my dream.  I did not like to talk about all the things that could go wrong because I can't control every single thing that happens (or doesn't happen) to me, so why focus on that?  I'd rather focus on what I can control.  Plus to be honest, everything was flowing nicely once I made my choice so much so that I figured the Universe was on my side to make it happen.  I felt right about it and so the right things were popping up in my life.  

When people are throwing shade your way, walk in the sun. Tweet this!

Seventh step: What's the worst that can happen?  I don't know if this will work for everyone, but I am a pretty cautious person and can be very paranoid at times.  Because my desire to move was greater than my fear, I did not let fear stop me, but trust me it was present.  One of the ways I was able to face my fear was by identifying what the worst case scenarios were.  In essence, it helped me to identify some of my worst fears tied to this decision.  I didn't create back-up plans to prepare for the worst case scenarios because I wanted to attach positive vibes to my choice.  I chose not to focus on the fear, rather just observe it.  I discuss a little bit about how I face my fears in a previous post.  I'll share with you my greatest fear attached to moving was that it wouldn't work out and I would have to go back home to live with my parents.  Doesn't sound so bad, right?  It's still an echo in my mind I can't get rid of, but I no longer fight it.  It is what it is.  I'm alive, healthy, have tons of people who love and support me, and that's what's truly important.  Which brings me to...

Eighth step: Gratitude! I thank God for placing "The Secret" in my life back in 2010.  This was one of the books that changed my life and the way I live it.  I am grateful every day.  I like to state out loud what I am thankful for every day.  I like to do this as part of my morning ritual, while getting ready for work, to start my day off right.  I think keeping tabs of what you're grateful for opens so many doors.  I think gratitude paves the way for blessings.

I can't tell you what happens after you take your leap of faith because there is no "cookie-cutter" result; everyone's journey is different. What I can say is that I have no regrets.  I would rather do something and determine whether it was the right choice or not for me, from my action, than live regretting my inaction.  I faced a lot of obstacles in the beginning.  I kept myself motivated by learning, meditating, writing, blogging, and taking comfort in the support of my loved ones.  I kept my desire to thrive in San Diego present.   I've shared with you in other posts some of the resources I used to guide me on my path.

I really hope this post can help you take more leaps!  I would love it if you can comment below what leap (or leaps) you would love to take? Or if you've already taken a leap of faith, how did you do it?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Resisting the New Year

Right before New Year's Eve I had the pleasure of viewing the recording of "Create Your Dream Year in 2014", a conference hosted by Patricia Moreno and Terri Cole. I was so inspired by the powerful panel of women; their words spoke to my soul.  I was on cloud 9.  I was still on vacation in NYC at the time and felt I started the new year on track.  Then my vacation ended.

I just got back to San Diego on the 6th.  I am in love with the sun and warmth.  I had such an amazing time seeing my loved ones that I came back truly inspired and recharged.  However, I've spent the last few days just taking it day by day.  I cleaned my room from top to bottom, which is a great tactic to de-clutter my mind and energy, but after all of that I still felt like something was missing.  I've been resisting working on myself and goals and I'm not sure why.

By resisting I mean I know what I'm "supposed" to be doing but I'm not doing it.  I fill my free time with distractions and filling my mind with stories to keep myself from doing my "work".  I'm currently off assignment, so I have a ton of free time to work on the things I love (such as this blog).  You'd think with all this free time I would dedicate more towards working on me and my dreams, but no.  Instead I am just feeling like a giant brick wall.  I've been in this state of mind before, stuck in a rut, and in order to get out of it I have to take action.  My first step was to make a list of the things I've been resisting the most.  I found the most resistance around 1) writing, and 2) my birthday.

As far as writing, I have a few projects I'd like to get started on, but even getting to the point of writing this blog post felt like a chore.  I had a conversation with my go-to guru, Laura Yamin, and she helped me get back to that place of YES and showing up.  She helped me, once again, understand that I am blocking my progress with distractions and excuses, and while I should be gentle with myself I have to also understand that the work won't get done until I take action. Together we came up with a game plan to write every day for the next 30 days.  Even if it's just 5 minutes of free writing, but it'll help me break the blockage and become more disciplined with my writing.  As for my birthday (on January 16th) I am having a hard time thinking about what I want to do until I finally said I'm not doing anything.  Laura challenged me to do something nice for myself, nothing crazy overwhelming, even if just inviting people over for wine.  I'm not sure yet what I'll do but I will keep you posted.

A few other resources I want to share with you, which I am using as we speak; right before writing this post I checked my inbox (another thing which needs to be de-cluttered) and saw a post by Erin Stutland on taking it easy this month.  I was on such an inspired high before the new year that I thought I needed to start off 2014 like a torpedo.  So when I noticed I was resisting creating goals and taking actions, I felt bad about slacking.  How am I going to have the best year ever if I'm resisting it?  But Erin's right in that I have to let myself adjust to this new year which we tend to fill with so much hope and expectations.  While taking a little action is better than no action, I definitely agree with allowing myself to settle into 2014.  I don't know yet what I intend to do this year, but I do know that when I'm ready to thrive I will use this free workbook by Martine Holston to define what 2014 will be for me.

Not having set goals yet is a little uncomfortable for me.  I don't set resolutions but ever since 2012 I've been working on setting intentions.  I am keeping my heart open to receiving the blessings of this new year and receiving inspiration to help me figure out what it is I truly desire.  I will keep you posted on my 2014 intentions.

Have any of you been feeling like this?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!