What is Life? FML, Life Sucks ARGHH!

I ask myself and God A LOT about my purpose.  What am I meant to do?  Who am I meant to be?  I just found myself overwhelmed this week with worry and doubt; am I on the right path? Why do I feel so lost?

I am slowly feeling myself losing control.  Thankfully throughout my journey I've learned to just accept my feelings and listen to my inner self.  If my inner self wants to have a tantrum or existential crisis, then so be it.  I decided not to fight with these feelings, it just makes things worse. While yes, I do like to look at the bright side and be grateful, and all that jazz, I do believe that being in the "dark" is good sometimes.  I think being in a negative space kind of takes you out of control and out of your routine, to force you into assessing what is working/not working.  I think allowing yourself some time in the darkness can give you some valuable perspective.  When I'm feeling this way I like to ask myself WHY I'm feeling these emotions and WHAT has triggered them.

For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances.  I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job".  Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it.  But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long.  You need a real meal.  A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson.  

My "trigger" into this negative head/heart space has to do with the fact that the work I'm doing just doesn't feel meaningful.  It definitely doesn't feel spiritually nourishing or like it's what I'm meant to be doing.  I also don't feel challenged in the sense of evolving.  I feel stuck and afraid of going back to being broke, like I was last year.  I'm trapped by fear and doubt.  But this fear and negativity has forced me out of being comfortable with a job.  It's forced me to look within myself towards my passions; to work towards breaking free from the check-to-check rut.  One of my passions is writing.  I'll share with you that while I love to write, I have such a hurdle to overcome; one that I placed on myself.  I take it day by day.  I decided to commit to entering a short story contest. Whether I win or not, at least I am putting myself out there, and who knows what'll come next?

I know I'll overcome but for now I accept where I am and continue to stay open to wherever the Universe wants to take me.  I ask you to challenge yourself.  If you're feeling bad/sad/mad at the world, at yourself, or someone else, assess the WHY you're feeling that way and WHAT triggered the emotions.  The more you try to understand your feelings, the closer you'll be to becoming a master of your self.  After you analyze your current negative thought pattern/behavior try taking a small action step; something to try to help you face what you're feeling and get you out of that darkness (you don't want to be stuck in the dark for too long).  Remember, a small, manageable step can help you take bigger steps; just take it day by day.

How are you feeling this week?  Is it just me or are emotions running high?

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