Your Wish is my Command

Ok, so right now everything is coming together.  In my previous post I discussed with you my FML moments and how I was having a negatively charged week.  After self-reflection I realized my trigger was work/money related.  Here is a snippet of that post:

"For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances. I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job". Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways. I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it. But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long. You need a real meal. A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson". - See more at: http://fatfabfit.blogspot.com/#sthash.WlOrL5QW.dpuf

So last week was all about feeling the feelings and letting it ride out.  This week is all about action for me.  I decided to convert that negative energy into productivity.  Instead of drowning out the noise with TV, movies, reading, any distraction, I chose instead to deal with my issues and emotions head on.  I started by simply tuning in to some meditation music on Pandora, lighting a white candle for peace and clarity, lighting some incense, and taking deep, cleansing breaths.  I then made a list of things to do, related to my issues with money/career.  The first was visualization; I set aside a few minutes to close my eyes and visualize myself living the way I want.  I chose to focus on my ideal financial situation and what that looked like, how that felt. Afterwards I recorded a video diary entry (I usually either write or record) on everything I felt to kind of release that energy.  I then came up with some other activities for the week, such as refreshing my vision board and create a virtual vision board on my desktop, so I can view it from there as well.

I started with this process on Monday, first by starting my day with some meditation.  What I did was download some calm, healing, meditation music and listened to it on my way to work and then on my way home.  It helps a lot to just listen and then close your eyes.  Eventually I feel myself drifting away, but not in a sleepy way.  I feel like I'm connecting to my higher self.  Just for your information, I'll be posting something soon on how I first started meditating and the people/healers I follow to guide me, so stay tuned!

Well let me just tell you that the magic started to happen already. At first it started Monday morning, while I was calm I asked/wished for a calm day at work.  It turned out my supervisor was out for the day! It was so relaxing not having to deal with the pressure/demands of my supervisor. Yesterday she told me that they would have to end my temp assignment earlier than expected.  At first, for about 10 seconds, I felt a little bit of fear and doubt.  For those 10 seconds I let it take over; what if I don't have enough?  What if I can't find another job?  How will I pay my bills? Thank goodness it only lasted that long.  I reminded myself that I am taken care of.  I reminded myself of my wish and desire to be my own boss, of the action steps that I took on Monday to work towards my vision.  My desires are manifesting!  Think about it, how can I be my own boss if I work for someone else?  This is the Universe/God's gentle nudge in the right direction.  I just know this is the right move for me.

I then received an email from my good friend Laura Yamin, who sent me some feedback received on her site.  She featured an interview of me on her page (you can view it HERE) and reading the comments and even going back to some of the things I mentioned about my journey helped reignite my passion for working towards achieving my dreams.  Here's a snippet of that interview:

"The best piece of advice I can offer you is to keep the desire bigger than anything else. Let your desire drown out all fear and negativity, not only from within but also from your friends/family/loved ones who are scared for you. Keep the desire alive and present; let it be with you always".

From this moment on, every time I feel fear and doubt creep in I'll remember that my desire is greater than my fear.  I'll continue to feel and believe that I am supported, and all of my desires are manifesting.

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

What is Life? FML, Life Sucks ARGHH!

I ask myself and God A LOT about my purpose.  What am I meant to do?  Who am I meant to be?  I just found myself overwhelmed this week with worry and doubt; am I on the right path? Why do I feel so lost?

I am slowly feeling myself losing control.  Thankfully throughout my journey I've learned to just accept my feelings and listen to my inner self.  If my inner self wants to have a tantrum or existential crisis, then so be it.  I decided not to fight with these feelings, it just makes things worse. While yes, I do like to look at the bright side and be grateful, and all that jazz, I do believe that being in the "dark" is good sometimes.  I think being in a negative space kind of takes you out of control and out of your routine, to force you into assessing what is working/not working.  I think allowing yourself some time in the darkness can give you some valuable perspective.  When I'm feeling this way I like to ask myself WHY I'm feeling these emotions and WHAT has triggered them.

For me this week was all about being in a negative space related to my career path and finances.  I still feel insecure about my financial situation and my job isn't my "dream job".  Don't get me wrong, a job is a job and it can help in may ways.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and all of the blessings that have come along with it.  But I know deep inside that I'm meant to be my own boss. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but I know a job will keep me satisfied for only so long. A job to me is a snack; it satisfies you temporarily but you can only snack for so long.  You need a real meal.  A job does not feed my soul, but again I'm grateful for having one and take it as a lesson.  

My "trigger" into this negative head/heart space has to do with the fact that the work I'm doing just doesn't feel meaningful.  It definitely doesn't feel spiritually nourishing or like it's what I'm meant to be doing.  I also don't feel challenged in the sense of evolving.  I feel stuck and afraid of going back to being broke, like I was last year.  I'm trapped by fear and doubt.  But this fear and negativity has forced me out of being comfortable with a job.  It's forced me to look within myself towards my passions; to work towards breaking free from the check-to-check rut.  One of my passions is writing.  I'll share with you that while I love to write, I have such a hurdle to overcome; one that I placed on myself.  I take it day by day.  I decided to commit to entering a short story contest. Whether I win or not, at least I am putting myself out there, and who knows what'll come next?

I know I'll overcome but for now I accept where I am and continue to stay open to wherever the Universe wants to take me.  I ask you to challenge yourself.  If you're feeling bad/sad/mad at the world, at yourself, or someone else, assess the WHY you're feeling that way and WHAT triggered the emotions.  The more you try to understand your feelings, the closer you'll be to becoming a master of your self.  After you analyze your current negative thought pattern/behavior try taking a small action step; something to try to help you face what you're feeling and get you out of that darkness (you don't want to be stuck in the dark for too long).  Remember, a small, manageable step can help you take bigger steps; just take it day by day.

How are you feeling this week?  Is it just me or are emotions running high?

By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!

Happy October! Week 9 T25 + Vegan Update!

Hellooo everyone!  I'm super happy it's October!  I love October, mainly for Halloween (best day ever!).  I have tons of juicy updates for you! I've been so busy with LIFE!  I started a new job and just recently interviewed for another position, so it seems like a lot of opportunities are coming my way.  I've been playing catch-up with everything, including my posts, but am glad to finally have a little break to let you know everything that's been happening.

It's the Fall now and I definitely felt the shift right before it happened.  I felt the days growing a little darker sooner, I felt more tired, have been feeling more drained than ever.  Also on the emotional front I've been feeling a little restless and like I'm "almost there"; like on the cusp of something (not sure yet what that is). I just entered on Monday, my 9th week of Focus T25.  I can't believe it's been 9 weeks already!  Actually it's been 10 since I began but I wasn't feeling so great one week, so I decided to do that corresponding week over.  The workout itself is my favorite so far.  There are so many days when I get home from work exhausted and decide to take it easy and rest.  I figure I should give myself a break from a hard day.  Then there's this tiny voice that says "cmon, you should really work out", and then I respond "but I'm SO TIRED", then the voice goes "It's only 25 minutes, just try your best", and that usually does the trick for me.  I play the DVD's on my laptop, so what I do is place a piece of paper over the screen to cover the timer.  I don't like watching the countdown because it feels like time moves slower then.  When I don't look at the time, the workout flies by and I feel amazing when I finish. Some days I am so tired that I only do about 15 minutes, but I don't feel bad because I figure something is better than nothing. My favorite Focus T25 DVD's (all included) are: Alpha stage: Cardio, Speed 1.0, Stretch Beta stage: Core Cardio, Speed 2.0 (MY FAV!), Upper Focus, and Core Speed.  They each have a lot of modifications if you're just starting out, and the best part is when you're consistent with the workouts you'll eventually find that some things which were hard at first become progressively easier.

I haven't weighed or measured myself. I actually decided last month to take a break from doing that. It may work for some people but it doesn't for me. I hate feeling like a slave to the numbers when it's really about the feeling for me. I don't want to let the numbers on a scale or measuring tape define me or my body. I am much more than a body. I feel myself losing weight; my clothes fit much looser, I have an easier time doing things like running after my bus when I'm late, and having more stamina to do things. I tried measuring myself week to week and weighing myself, but realized the numbers were controlling me. I discuss my "ego trip" and negative thought patterns and behaviors in my last post "I forgive myself for being fat". Whenever I weighed myself it was like opening a door I did not want to deal with. If the numbers were higher than the last time, my self-esteem would be momentarily destroyed. If the numbers were lower than before, they weren't low enough. I just thought it was too much to deal with, so I choose to focus on how I feel rather than how much I weigh or how much weight I'm losing.

Actually I will be honest with you and say that I've been looking at myself naked more often and....

yea...

I made this pic collage of my week 1 and week 9, and also the fact that I can actually fit in the door frame comfortably, whereas with week 1 I wasn't able to.  I still have a hard time seeing the physical changes in these pictures, but oh well, here you go!

As for Veganism, if you're just tuning in to my randomness now, I previously discussed taking a Vegan approach to my weight loss (check "Going Vegan") and needless to say I fucked up, and that's OK.  I'm not meant to be a Vegan, at least not at the moment.  I'm not a big meat eater and thankfully dairy is no longer a vice, but you have to have a lot of patience to be a Vegan.  You gotta be religiously aware of what you're consuming and the best option is to prepare your own meals.  As I've stated before, I am not a fan of cooking and I just don't care to cook.  I usually prepare 3 meals per 7-days, in large quantities to last me for a couple of days for lunch and dinner. But after a while I just get bored of the same thing, and I'm just lazy.  I'd rather buy frozen foods and just heat them up.  I know it's great to cook your own meals but I commute about 3 hours total, per day, by the time I get home I barely have the energy to keep up with life, let alone working out.  I think my next endeavor with consumption will be juicing.  I really like Shakeology and would love to do a juicing detox soon, before the new year.

Speaking of which, we are less than 3 months away from 2014!  I've come so far and have accomplished so much; I'm at the home stretch and want to really focus my energy on the last few 2013 goals, which are:

1) Get my driver's license

2) Blast the belly bulge (would love to reduce it by half before the new year)

3) Finalize some short-term career goals, which include solidifying a position with a great salary

4) Create a plan of action for my writing goals

5) Would love to be in a solid relationship, at least starting out

I'm thankful I have my Magical Manifesters lesson plans to guide me through the last bit of 2013.

Whew!  I know that was a lot to take in, but hopefully you laughed, you cried, and you'll be back for more!  Till next time!

P.S: Check me out on Joyful Shimmy!  I was interviewed by my great friend and sister, Laura Yamin, on my journey from East to West (almost 1 year ago!).  Check it out and let me know what you think!


By the way, have you checked out my FREE E-BOOK? It's called "Greens on the Side" and will help you get started with your weight loss goals in just 5 easy steps.  Check it out!